Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Confession #4: I Said Some Swears At Motel 666

After Myrtle's morning round of Ultimate Hide-and-Seek, we quickly made for the Iowa border on Day Three of our journey. Charlie had fun pretending he was Big Dog on the Prairie.

The cats were quiet again. I started listening to Harry Potter on CD. The cats loved it. Only Myrtle complained. Probably because her name wasn't mentioned as often as the others' were. The day seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, we were in the outskirts of Des Moines. This Motel 6 was pretty fancy-schmancy for a Motel 6. It even had an elevator. But we didn't have to take it. I'd requested a first floor room and we were kitty-corner (ha!) to the lobby. So nice when trying to load/unload so much cargo. But I did get some looks from the desk clerk starting at my third out five trips. After my first night checking in, I learned to say, "Oh, and I have my dog and cats with me." No numbers. Never use numbers.

While I was checking in, there was an elderly couple in front of me. They took a while...they were one of those couples that calls each other "Mother" and "Dad" and they were filling the desk clerk in on their life history. So, I just took a seat, smiled, and enjoyed the show. They were a hoot.

I got checked in and was grabbing Charlie and my bags as they were shuffling back in with their things. The man said, "Hold up just a minute, Mother. I got something for this young lady."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out two shiny pennies with a cross cutout.

"This one's for you, God bless ya. And this one's for your pup dog. Even pup dogs need God's blessings."

I thanked him and they shuffled off to their room and Charlie and I shuffled off to ours. Sweet man. I should have gone back to find him to tell him that my kitten cats need God's blessings, too. Myrtle especially. I'm pretty sure she's renamed herself Myrtle Hellbeast von Satanspawn.

It had been our shortest driving day, but we were all beat and promptly sacked out for a three-hour nap. After we woke up, Charlie and I took a nice, long walk around the surrounding business park. It was another nice, relaxing evening. Not even any attempted great escapes.

In the morning, once again, Myrtle thought it would be fun to defy the odds and find an improbable hiding place. Somehow she found a gap in the platform bed. She must've cased the
joint while Charlie and I took our morning walk. But it was nothing a little muscle and quick reflexes couldn't solve.

Once we were on the road, things went much more smoothly. For a while.

As we crossed into Illinois, we hit road work. Then some more road work. And more. All day long. What was supposed to be a 6-hour drive, became 8-1/2 hours. We must have angered the travel gods. It wasn't bad enough that we kept having to sit through delays...the Harry Potter CD was EATEN by the car!!!!! EATEN!!!!!!!! It's still in there. It was not a magical day. We all just wanted to get to the motel and veg.  When we finally arrived, it turned out to be in the middle of NOWHERE. I pulled in and started getting a very Bates Motel vibe. I didn't get a chance to do a lot of looking around while I was dumping cats and luggage into the room. But I remember my first impression was, "Hey, this is pretty nice!" The room was huge, king bed, sofa and easy chair, fridge and microwave, etc.

Then I turned on the lights.

Are you familiar with this?

Well, Fozzie. I found the sad one. Without cute Muppet vermin.

Holes in the walls and ceiling.  The headboard of the bed was literally hanging by a nail. I had to reattach it a couple times. The bathroom was.....icky.....The carpet was moist. Moist, I tell you. I felt it through my socks. But I was so tired. I figured, I'd just stay in bed and not eat or drink or touch any surfaces whatsoever. However, I was pretty certain that even just breathing in the air I was one mutated motel germ away from becoming Patient Zero of the next world-wide pandemic. Even the cats were grossed out. They stayed off the floor as much as possible.

Severus was not impressed with our accommodations.

I'd just find the nearest gas station first thing in the morning to take care of....the necessities. And then I looked at the pillows. There was a hair on one.

I flipped it over.

There was half a face imprinted on it.

Orange-y foundation, smeared mascara, pink lipstick.

"Oh, Hell no! HELL NO!"

Sorry, Mama. I did. I said it. Real loud, too. I would have left, right then and there. But it was late, and when you're traveling with pets, especially with as many as I had, you don't have the luxury of simply walking in to the first hotel with a vacancy sign. I know I could have requested another pillow, or even another room, but I was afraid of what I would get. And the night manager lady was scary. Like mother of a serial killer scary. I ran out to the car with my body guard, Charlie, and grabbed Charlie's big travel blanket I had cushioning the back seat. I cocooned myself in it, so none of me touched the bedding. I would catch a few hours of sleep and be on my way at the crack of dawn.

Of course it didn't happen that way. The other cats wanted out of Motel 666 almost as much as I did, but Myrtle just had play her little games. When I couldn't find her I first checked behind the tv/chest of drawers console. Nope. Checked behind the couch. Nope. I even tried moving it. It weighed a ton and there was less than an inch between it's bottom and the floor. No way she was there. That left the platform bed. Again. I had known it was inevitable. But it was a king-sized bed. I wanted to be sure I wasn't moving it for nothing.

I moved it for nothing. She wasn't there.

That meant she HAD to be under the couch.


She was IN the couch.

I pulled off the cushions and discovered it was a fold-out bed and started unfolding it.

That cat is the most brilliant, evil, conniving....

 I should have left her at THAT motel. She could be one of those resident cats some places have. To give the place a cozy, homey atmosphere. Myrtle Hellbeast von Satanspawn of Motel 666 will leave the lights on for you.

But, I got her. And we began our fifth and final day of driving. Our new home was just a few hours away.

The drive into Indiana was slow and construction-filled, as well. But better than the previous day. We still had no Harry Potter, but I was able to find a decent radio station and we all sang along. By the time we made it over the Kentucky state line, things were flowing smoothly again. We pulled up to the farm a couple hours later and started a whole new adventure.

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